DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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