I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
