he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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