Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
