I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
