Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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