Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
