guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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