Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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