I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
