check it out our google latitudes are spooning
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
