She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
