my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
