Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
