I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
