I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
