We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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