well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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