I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
...so i touched it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
