Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
