C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
