Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize