I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
