im drinking this country out of the recession.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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