On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
