And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
