I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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