Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
