Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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