Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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