He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
