I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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