so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
