tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
