I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need water and some morals
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
