party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
