Me. At least after what I've been through.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
