We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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