There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
