i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
