break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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