I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
