tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
