Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will be naked everywhere
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
