i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
