what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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