I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
