but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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