Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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