i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
