Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
