Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
