i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
