throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
