I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
