Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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