Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
