I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
