he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
