i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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