So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize