dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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