Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
